Trouble on the white page

Trouble on the white page
By: Yurix

Narrator: Okay, so we’re supposed to do a TG story…

Character: Ah hell no, not again…

Narrator: Could you let me finish before you start running your mouth?

Character: *sigh* Fine. What is it this time?

Narrator: As I was saying before you so rudely cut me, we’re supposed to do a TG story about a guy…

Character: Hey, why is it always a guy? Can’t it be a woman for once?

Narrator: That’s because the fan base for transgender stories is usually bigger around guys turning into girls than the author way around.

Character: And I suppose it doesn’t have to do with the author not liking stories where girls turn into guys, right?

Narrator: There’s a little of that, too…

Character: Great… so we’re stuck with an author who’s too chicken to turn a girl into a guy… I really need to recheck my contract.

Narrator: Uh… since when do you have a contract?

Character: Wait… you mean I’m not getting paid for this?

Narrator: You think I’m paid?

Character: Shit… you’re telling me that the author is a damn cheapskate?

Narrator: No. I’m saying that you can’t really be a contract because you don’t exist.

Character: What do you mean, I don’t exist?

Narrator: Well, the author hasn’t given you a name, a physical description or a background, now has he?

Character: I’m not some damn puppet! I should sue that guy for this…

Narrator: How the heck are you going to sue someone if you don’t exist in real life?

Character: This isn’t real life. Plus, you’re not supposed to exist, either!

Narrator: I beg to differ! Narrators can have a lot of importance when it comes to how the story goes…

Character: …says the one who I can easily replace.

Narrator: You really think you can replace me?

Character: Hell yeah. There’s plenty of stories out there where the character’s also the
narrator.

Narrator: Maybe, but right now, this is looking like a story where the narrator is a character, and the main character is too much of an ass to do his job.

Character: I would do my damn job if those ideas were actually a bit more original!

Narrator: You didn’t even let me finish telling you the damn idea…

Character: So, shut up and say it!

Narrator: You’re the one who started this mess, so you shut up!

Character: Alright, I’ll shut up, but it better not be some damn stupid idea or some over-used cliché…

Narrator: Since when have you been the stingy type?

Character: How do you expect me to be, huh? I’ve been thrown around by every damn author and given so many different shapes, sizes and personalities that I could make every damn shrinks in the world freakin’ billionaires out of split personality cases!

Narrator: *sigh* God have mercy…

Character: So throw me that damn story idea we’re supposed to do before I sue the author for all his money!

Narrator: Hang on. Let me find the page.

Character: You didn’t memorize it?

Narrator: How do you expect me to memorize something when the author keeps writing everything we say and do?

Character: Great… I’m stuck with the world’s only short-term memory-loss narrator.

Narrator: You don’t get it. The author right now is writing us talking about getting the story started, and because of your whining, we can’t even get started!

Character: Just find the damn script and we’ll get started.

Narrator: I would… if we had a script to begin with.

Character: You’re kidding me!

Narrator: Afraid not. We got ourselves a spontaneous author here.

Character: So we’re stuck without a script, and all I get to work with it some damn idea that someone threw at him?

Narrator: No, we’re stuck with an idea you’re too fussy to do!

Character: Would you stop beating around the damn bush and just hit me with that story idea?

Narrator: If you don’t watch your tone, I’ll hit you with something else.

Character: How do you expect to do that? You don’t have a body to hit with.

Narrator: And you don’t have a body you can hit back with, either. Heck, we’re not even supposed to have that conversation.

Character: So, why are we having it?

Narrator: Because you can’t stop complaining and I can’t read you the idea!

Character: How the heck can you read or even find a damn page! No body, remember, so no eyes?

Narrator: Hey! Narrators can see pretty far into stories. Why do you think authors created flashbacks?

Character: So now you think your some damn prophet?

Narrator: No. I’m just trying to do my job because you don’t want to do yours!

Character: At least make the idea interesting!

Narrator: Okay, here’s the deal. Some guy finds the temple-

Character: Hold it!

Narrator: Urgh… now what?

Character: You really think some ruined temple is going to turn the guy into a girl?

Narrator: That’s the idea.

Character: Let me guess: I’m gonna be stuck playing some dumb-padded dweeb who’s lucky or unlucky enough to find that “temple” and I’ll end up “magically” turned into a girl. How lame is that?

Narrator: That’s what the requester-

Character: Oh, so we’re supposed to be doing a story that the author didn’t even make?

Narrator: That’s why it’s called a request.

Character: No wonder we’re not paid…

Narrator: Look… Characters don’t get paid, and narrators either.

Character: What about in shows and movies?

Narrator: Those are actors!

Character: We’re also actors!

Narrator: No, we’re two fictional representations of the author’s making.

Character: So we’re not real, is that it? That makes me feel so freakin’ better…

Narrator: Glad you’re taking it that way.

Character: I was being sarcastic!

Narrator: So was I, so for God’s sake, let me finish the damn story idea!

Character: Why didn’t the author just write the story from the first page, rather than have us yap?

Narrator: Because he’s trying something new, and he wants to see if that could work.

Character: Oh, so we’re just a damn test for him, is that it?

Narrator: Well…

Character: Well, nothing. I’m not doing this shit!
Narrator: Good. Now that you’re done being pissed…

Character: I’m nowhere done being pissed!

Narrator: Sarcasm.

Character: That’s getting old.

Narrator: So is this conversation.

Character: Then why not call the damn author and tell him I’m not budging one inch until I get a contract!

Narrator: In the meantime, I’ll finish telling the idea.

Character: Why aren’t you calling the author?

Narrator: So, the idea is…

Character: Call the damn author!

Narrator: …for a guy to find…

Character: Fine, I’ll do it myself… where did I put my phone…

Narrator: …the temple of Aphrodite.

*phone drops, moment of silence* Character: No. No freaking way! Hell to the no!

Narrator: Now what?

Character: Do you even know what that means?

Narrator: …that you’d meet the Greek goddess of love?

Character: No. That the author is gonna turn me into some love-sick bimbo!

Narrator: Now why would he do something like that?

Character: Have you even seen how they personalize her?

Narrator: What, in artwork?

Character: No, in tv shows, like Hercules! She’s a freaking blonde with all the damn problems that go with it!

Narrator: You’re stretching that a bit too far, buster. Just because one show sees her as a blonde to get Americans to watch the show, doesn’t mean-

Character: Yeah, I know. But look at how society goes along with love these days. It’s not about love; it’s all about damn sex!

Narrator: Your point?

Character: My point is that we’re taking some old Greek idea of what love is supposed to look like, and we’ve got to work it right here, right now, in 2013!
Narrator: Well then, thanks to you, we already have a start for an idea.

Character: What?

Narrator: Well, you said it yourself: we work it here, right now, in 2013. That means that right now, we would be in the said temple…

Character: Oh, I don’t like where this is going…

Narrator: ...and you would be the said person to find it.

Character: So, what’s the author’s idea, then? Have Aphrodite magically “pop up” and turn me into a girl, then have me spread her “message”? That’s so overdone…

Narrator: What? You don’t like it?

Character: I’d rather keep my body and mind as is, thank you.

Narrator: You don’t have anything set in stone about your body, so how do you expect the author to make you keep it like it is? I mean, you could be a balding obese American, a skinny old grampa or a shrimpy kid for all I care.

Character: You’re the one to talk! Besides, what’s so great about becoming a chick? I mean, who wants to end up spending half of their year with a tampon plugged up there, or getting stuck with a pad that’d feel like a diaper?

Narrator: You talk about it as if it happened before.

Character: Hello! I’m a character. I can end up being male, female, human, animal, machine, alien… name it!

Narrator: But why do you hate changing genders?

Character: You think it’s easy? It’s not like you wake up one day in a body that’s your gender opposite! Real life changes aren’t perfect and are far from easy. And even if they are done, how many transgendered people ended up killing themselves because they or the people they live with can’t accept it?

Narrator: This isn’t reality, you know. This is just a story.

Character: Well, excuse me for stating facts! First off, no one has ever truly seen gods or whatever, so have you ever thought, just once, that they might just be stuff people made up to give themselves something worth talking about?

Narrator: Aren’t you overdoing it?

Character: So what if I was? It’s not like anyone can do a thing about it.

Narrator: Actually, someone can.

Character: Who?

Narrator: The author.

Character: So you expect me to believe that he can make Aphrodite show up and zap me into a girl?

Narrator: Yeah.

Character: And what if I don’t want to?

Narrator: He can force you to like it, you know.

Character: That’s bullshit. If he’s gonna be an asshole and change me into a girl, why didn’t he do it already?

Narrator: Who says he didn’t?

Character: How could he if he hasn’t come up with a body I’d start with?

Narrator: Well, think about it for a second: a shrimpy kid or a morbidly-obese American wouldn’t have the means or the methods to find the temple, and you’ve been bad-mouthing and being cranky since we started, so-

Character: You’re telling me he’s sticking me in the body of an old fart?

Narrator: Think about it this way: at least when he’ll change you, you’ll end up younger.

Character: Like that’ll change anything. I mean, if I end up with the same mindset as an old coot or as some glorified bimbo’s body…

Narrator: Huh?

Character: There’s only two ways I see it: either Aphrodite, if she even exists, would end up making me into her “disciple”, or I’d end up some sex-crazed freak because I talked shit about her. Either way, I lose my mind until the author writes “The End”.

Narrator: So that’s why you’re so pissed.

Character: Duh!

Narrator: You almost sounded like you were having periods.

Character: Very funny…

Narrator: No, seriously. You really need to calm down and take a bath or something.

Character: Like there’s any baths in a temple.

Narrator: Yeah, you’re right. Probably more like a pool or a spring.

Character: Whatever. Look, I’m pissed off enough as it is. Let’s just get this over with, okay?

Narrator: So you’re going for it?

Character: Not like I have a choice…

Narrator: Well, since you’re so bummed about it, how about you choose what you’ll change into?

Character: I told you I want to keep my body as is! Why don’t you change instead?

Narrator: Me?

Character: Yeah. I mean, some narrators end up being characters, right? So maybe you could change, and I’d leave you and the author to figure this mess out.

Narrator: You know, you’re right. I mean, we are already at the temple, right?

Character: Yeah, so?

Narrator: So, if Aphrodite does exist, she would be here, right?

Character: Don’t be stupid. If she did exist, she’d be nothing but a freakin’ ghost or something. I mean, statues show what people think she looked like, but those ideas are over thousands of years old.

Narrator: Well, you do make a point. If Aphrodite is a spirit, she would probably need a body, and that would usually lead to the whole “making-an-old-goddess-rise-back-to-power” deal.

Character: Pretty much, and that’s something I’d avoid doing, thank you very much.

Narrator: That doesn’t mean I can’t do it.

Character: What’re you talking about?

Narrator: Stop talking for a moment and think about it. You said it yourself that she would probably be without a body of her own, right?

Character: Your point?

Narrator: *female voice* “I never had a body to begin with.”

Character: So… all that time… you were Aphrodite?

Aphrodite: Considering that you and I have been, as authors say, “breaking the fourth
wall”, I believe that this change is long overdue.

Character: *sigh* So, you’re gonna end up taking my body and changing it into a new form for you?

Aphrodite: Well, you were quite rude and did say that you believed I did not exist.
Character: Meaning you’re going to make me a bimbo, that it?

Aphrodite: I would, but that would be too easy. The story did call for you to become a woman, and I am the deity of love, not the goddess of judgment.

Character: So, you’re not going to turn me into a disciple of yours, are you?

Aphrodite: The thought did occur to me, but I have a proposal for you: I will attempt to change your body. If you can tell me, at the end of the change, that you do not want your body, I will change you back. If not, I will transform into something you will find pleasing.

Character: Do I have a choice?

Aphrodite: Not really.

Character: Do your worst, then.

Aphrodite: Hmm… no. I think I prefer doing my best, like… starting you with a healthy new vagina...

Character: I don’t have one to… what the heck? I can’t feel my crotch!

Aphrodite: …and then making your body burn through all that body hair.

Character: Damn… I’m sweating all over… shit! What did you do to my skin?

Aphrodite: How about we put that heat somewhere else? Your libido and erogenous zones, perhaps.

Character: Ugh… that’s cheating! You’re making me horny like…

Aphrodite: Hmm… a good start, but I prefer birth-ready hips, and curves in all the right places.

Character: Gah… it h-hurts, but… it feels good…

Aphrodite: How about we put those nice feminine hands and dainty arms somewhere else? Left one to the vagina, right one to rub that nice backside of yours.

Character: Uh… mmm…

Aphrodite: Those moans sound too masculine. A feminine pitch with that beautiful face would do wonders.

Character: *female voice*: Ugh… my voice… my body… m-my…

Aphrodite: Your breasts, of course. Enough down there: let me see how big you want them to be… oh, and let’s make your hair longer, too.

Character: P-please… they… they won’t stop growing!

Aphrodite: A little tweak on your nipples and they will stop. You already look unbelievably beautiful, my dear.

Character: Uh… awww…. Ahh! Don’t make me… make it stop!

Aphrodite: You choose: a simple yes or no. The changes are done, so it’s time to make up your mind.

Character: Oooohh… can’t… I can’t stop… so… hot!

Aphrodite: Then answer: will you let the author do his story about changing you into a woman by my power?

Character: Oh gaaawd! Yes!

Aphrodite: Good. Now, go to the spring and wash yourself. I need to talk to the author.

Character: O-of course, my goddess…

-

Author: I guess he fell for it.

Aphrodite: Yes, he did. Not only will I have a new disciple, but her body will become my new avatar. It is time for love to return to this world.

Author: I’m glad to hear it. But don’t forget the pact.

Aphrodite: I know. Once he completely accepts his new role, I will gladly have you share his changes.

Author: Glad to hear it. I’ll be looking forward to working with you… on a more private level.